The Weight by Andrew Vachss

Author:Andrew Vachss
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Fiction, Criminals, Noir fiction, Mystery & Detective, Hard-Boiled, Crime, United States, General, Mystery fiction, Criminals - United States
ISBN: 9780307379191
Publisher: Random House, Inc.
Published: 2010-11-09T00:52:12.114000+00:00

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Like a tape playing in my head. A loop, going around and around, with no OFF switch.

I held on to the railing for a long time after the cop left. Something solid.

That was me, a few minutes ago. Solid. A man you could count on.

It was all I had, that … I don’t know the word for it. More than a rep, it was who I was. Not a part of me, inside all of me. Something you couldn’t separate out.

Years ago, I remember, I heard about this guy. He hated the government, blamed the government for everything that wasn’t the way he thought it should be. I think his brother was on the run for blowing up abortion clinics or something like that.

This guy, he had one of those electric saws they use on lumber. Only, instead of a board, he put his arm down and pulled the saw right through it. Cut off his own hand. He even made a tape of himself doing it, so he could mail it to the FBI, show them how serious he was.

See? A piece of him got taken away, but he was still himself. More of himself, really.

He may have been a nutcase, but he didn’t give up anything. Me, a couple of minutes ago, I almost had.

That guy, he gave up his own hand, not somebody else’s.

And I’d just come so close to giving up somebody else’s that it scared me.

I had to get away from there.

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